It was 2 weeks ago or less
That I heard from her last
Got word that Amy
Took her own life
I can't say I'm not surprised
Never saw it in her eyes
A distaste for the World
So bad that she'd wanna die
All throughout this country
There are people in poverty
And corn fields that stretch
To the horizon
Still, beautiful girls
In their diamonds and pearls,
Are at the end
Of their own tight rope
There's a giant cross
On the side of the highway
An exit or two away
from where we stayed
And give it a week,
I'll be back on the beach
Reminded of just how
Temporary-
This fragile, dying day.
Glad I got to meet you darlin,
I know you were there
Glad I got to look into your eyes
I knew you were alive.
Close your eyes darlin,
There's peace in rest.
There's peace in rest.
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1 comment:
This is actually pretty good! Seriously, whatever you did to write this: that is what you need to be doing every single time. Trust me, although this piece is far from perfect (the metaphors are a little colloquial, etc.), you actually had some poetic insight here. The structure even (kind of) makes sense (which I know you play around with, but in general you need to be more conscious of why you indent and punctuate). This is a good example of abstract structure used well. Of course that is a very extreme example. I also suggest you look at Gertrude Stein. Sounds like you'd be into her.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing you grow as a writer!
~A
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